Tragedy Struck

This post will be short, not necessarily sweet.  My husband is my Knight in shining armor.  A Brit who in 2005 after dating me 2 months, felt guilt and terrible grief.  Guilt for being happy and in love and grief as he still was tormented and grieving his late wife who died from cancer.  Because of these feelings, he left suddenly for London where his family and friends were.  I never knew why and was devastated, vowing to put up a wall and forget him forever.

Two years later, in September 2007 he returned for me.  He was over his late wife and knew I was to be in his life.  In February of 2009 he proposed on his knees saying he couldn’t conceive of a life without me in it and wanted to wake up beside me every day.  The man of my dreams. 

Now the tragedy:  My husband apparently still suffered a grief which manifested into depression.  On Tuesday, he took his life.  Gone forever.  I’m struggling with all the emotions from pain and torment, to anger and grief.  I wail and miss him so much.  I love him deeply.

I write this in my blog because it is helping me to write and talk out those feelings in order to deal with this unbelievably difficult stress. 

From me to you, hug and kiss your loved ones.  Make amends always – don’t let your pride keep you apart.  Life is absolutely too short when you least expect it to be and you never know when you’ll lose that certain someone.

Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~Author Unknown

2 comments on “Tragedy Struck

  1. Oh, Joan . . . such a tragedy. It’s a horrible waste of a life, but please know from one who has been there that you will be okay. My husband of ten years [and three children] took his life nearly fifteen years ago, and my world stopped. Thank heavens I had the children who forced my life to go on. I honestly don’t know what I would have done. For you, it may be your writing and your friends who get you through this time. Please know that if I can help in any way, you need only call or email me. If you want a shoulder, borrow a hankie, or just get away from reality for a bit of time, I’m here for you.

  2. Thank you so much Chrissy. I shall remember you are there.

    Friends are getting me through little by little. Maybe I can heal, when it’s time, through writing. For now I’m journaling both good & bad feelings, thoughts and the crying which I can’t seem to stop. Perhaps one day …

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