My darling Martin,
Today is August 17, your birthday. The days leading up to this day have been difficult realizing you’re not here to celebrate. I keep thinking and wishing you’ll walk through the door and that this tragedy has been merely a bad nightmare. When I awoke this morning to see your side of the bed empty and that I couldn’t hug and kiss you, I cried endlessly. It’s so hard without you here by my side.
I remember all the good things about you – I choose to forgive flaws, though sometimes the anger in me makes me want to yell why have you done this to us. But in my mind’s eye, I see you with your face in your hands crying and I know how sorry you are to have caused us such pain. Now I realize you were not intending pain on us, you merely wanted your pain to stop and fell short of realizing other alternatives.
There are many gifts you left with me Martin before leaving this world. Such wonderful qualities you possessed like romance, a gentle character, kindheartedness, an adventurous spirit, and genuine love. You told me, “I’d do anything for you” and I knew the sincerity in its meaning. Although you suffered tragic loss of a first wife to cancer, you still found me. On your knees, you proposed marriage before sunset at the beach. I already knew the sincerity of you profound love. Two years prior, at sunset in front of the Louvre, your arms encircled me and held on tightly and kissed me as in the infamous photograph of the sailor kissing the nurse after the war. At that moment, we were joined and we both knew it. You etched our names “Martin loves Joan” atop the Eiffel Tower saying to me that it would be there “forever” …
Your original cards hand painted and with original verse made me so happy. They’d be either romantic or humorous and always conceived with love. You possessed an eye for photography and I cherish the wonderful photographs you’ve left. There never seems to be enough photos of us together, although there are many. You also left behind a legacy of creativity and an eye for beauty included in your watercolor paintings. Several framed watercolors adorn the house we made our home. Although you’re gone I still feel your presence through those things you’ve left behind.
Martin, you seemed troubled that your hair had grayed so much when you asked what I thought you should do. My reply was sincere: you are my handsome and darling husband and gray hair only serves to make you more distinguished. Besides, you had a full head of hair and I’m certain many men wished they had what you possessed.
All day I’ll be thinking of you, our life together however short-lived, and all our wonderful times together. This at least will serve to give some comfort amidst the pain. I hope that family and friends are able to think of the love, laughter and lives we lived with Martin around. He’d like that.
I hope that people here find with their loved ones the enjoyment, laughter and love in what you and I felt in our hearts, Martin, for the realities of what life truly means. My wish is for people to look for these things in the eyes and actions of those close to them. They will be the blessings I’m sure will be long remembered long after loved ones have left this world.
Martin, you have forever changed my life for good. Though the time we had was short, it was so meaningful and happy and loving.
I miss you my soulmate. I love you now and forever. Happy Birthday sweetheart.
Your loving wife.