I’ve now written often of the tragedy suffered when my husband died and the trauma I have felt since. This journey of healing began eight months ago and to my amazement, I’ve been doing pretty well considering. I know that there still remains a long road to travel … but I at least feel today that I’m up for the task … most days.
Thus begins a more positive side to my writing. I used to be the most optimistic, positive gal you’d ever meet. Things took a slide during my journey. It felt like I was climbing a steep hill while dragging a Doberman pinscher behind me who didn’t want to travel. One step forward and three steps back.
Now I’m able to smile. You know about something awful being in the picture but not concentrating on it all the time. You begin to be able to glance at things around you as if you’re seeing them for the first time.
I’m a romantic and so was my Martin. A match made in heaven, soulmates. That’s a word I never really understood … until now. A glimpse into why I feel Martin made my life so wonderful for a short time at least.
He told me, “I’d do anything for you.” Now have you ever heard that from your significant other? I’m not gloating mind you … merely showing you why I had it so great for a while. And he followed through. Brought me flowers for no reason. Called me at work or emailed me just to say he loved me and was thinking of me. Made dinners for me during the work week. Helped me whatever I asked of him. Took me fishing and had to bait for me the entire time and yet didn’t mind. He said it was more fun for him just seeing how excited and happy I was catching fish.
His sense of humor was spot on and slightly irreverent. He made me laugh so much I’d have tears. He loved just being with me and made me love being with him.
When he proposed on his knees at the beach, he said he couldn’t imagine waking up each morning with me not there. Called me beautiful whenever I felt at my worst.
No he wasn’t perfect. We all have our flaws don’t we. However, if we strive to accept and enjoy each other, flaws included, we begin to see why we love the “whole” person. For me, I loved him (and still do) not despite his flaws, but because of them. He was such a quiet person, yet I loved his gentleness and kind spirit.
While I miss him terribly, it’s like a favorite quote from the tearjerker “Steel Magnolias”: “I’d rather have three minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”