When I look back at my journals from the beginning when my Martin completed suicide, through and during my healing process for which I am still engaged, I am amazed at how transformed I have become thus far. Although there was and is counseling, medication, therapy, prayer and so many sorrowful days and nights, one thing rings true throughout this time. Our love – Martin and mine – which has stayed with me. I believe it is this love that has actually seen me through.
It did not cost money or require connections or great privilege. It was love: just simple, plain, easy to give and easy for the world to see. In all our photos together one thing rings true throughout, say our friends … our mutual and adoring love.
Love is primal. It is comprised of compassion, care, security and a leap of faith. I believe in the power of love to transform. I believe in the power of love to heal.
Although I know there is much further to go, I’m delving into uncharted water still … trying to make my way back to the light from the darkest of forests.
Which brings me to another stepping stone. Last Friday, I took a lovely drive across the striking Sunshine Skyway Bridge. With temperatures at 60 degrees, the sun glistened across the taxi-cab yellow of the bridge’s expansion as I drove the calming 5.5 miles to a Shelter & Sanctuary in Bradenton, Florida. It was there that I felt a tug at my heart. Two white boxer dogs, sisters named Miley & Casey, stood their ground for what seemed like five minutes as we merely stared at one another.
That afternoon Casey, who is deaf, and her sister Miley, rode home with me and we all found a bit of love again. Friends of mine are so glad I have company and love. A friend of mine wrote to say these girls will help to heal my heart. I believe her!
No love can ever, nor will ever, take the place of the love Martin and I enjoy. When I look at these lovable creatures, I feel the warmth and closeness of Martin. And that, my friends, is what helps these days to see me through.