My darling Martin,
It has been three months since you left me here alone. A day doesn’t go by that my heart doesn’t cry out for you. Images of you as you were, when you loved me most, fill my mind. Longing to be held by you, I am embraced by emptiness instead. Like a ghost, you haunt my heart and stand just beyond my reach.
My dreams are heart-wrenching as you are close yet impossibly far away. Why won’t you stay with me? You could stay here with me in this world of dreams. Praying I ask please don’t wake me from the dreams of you. If I have to wake to find you have gone, then I relive the feeling of my heart laid bare.
Standing in the wake of your pain after you were gone, I was left feeling utterly abandoned. I’m trying desperately to remember how to breathe again as the tears stream down my face and my heart cries out for you.
What few truths I have learned seem not to hold any freedom for me. Instead I’m left with many unanswered questions aching to be answered and yet dangerous perhaps if asked.
I know that I am a better person for having known you and shared the time we had. How I miss you holding my hand as we walked, and those sweetest of eyes as you looked into my soul. You were such a quiet man and yet so kind and gentle and loving.
My dreams came true when you loved me. I waited so long for you to come into my life. You allowed me into your heart, proposed on bended knees saying you couldn’t imagine life without me. How happy you made me! The two of us loved each other, for better or worse … until death do us part. Little did I know death would come so soon.
When you took me to London to meet your family and then to Paris, I was overjoyed. There in front of The Louvre, I knew you and I truly were in love. You kissed me that night like never before – the first of many such times. And when you wrote our names atop the Eiffel Tower saying Martin loves Joan, you told me that it would be there forever. How I loved you then and now.
You will forever be loved and never forgotten. You will always have my heart no matter how long it takes for me to join you.
Your loving wife,
Joan
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